I have a homesick wife. My wonderful wife and I met 4 years ago, and just recently, she moved all the way from Thailand just to marry me. She misses her family terribly. She misses all of her friends. And she misses her culture. Sometimes in the mornings she gets very sad and cries. I give her a long hug and ask what’s wrong, and she tells me she misses her home. It breaks my heart to see her this sad.
I am amazed she sacrificed so much to be with me. She had a great job, lots of friends, and a loving family. She made a huge sacrifice, and I am eternally grateful for it.
Here is what I am doing as a husband to help my wife feel less homesick:
1) Tell your wife how much you appreciate her and that you love her every day.
A homesick wife needs to feel loved and appreciated. I want my wife to know that she is with a great guy that loves her more than anything. I probably tell her I love her 4 or 5 times every day. And if she does something nice for me during the day, I hold her hand or give her a hug, and tell her thank you.
2) Do something fun every weekend…Road Trips!
I work the early shift every Monday through Friday. Which means we don’t do much on the weekdays. So on the weekends we jump in the car and head off to a new adventure. We sometimes drive to Seattle and check out what’s going on in the “big city”. On other weekends, we will take a ferry boat and bring our dog with us over to the San Juan Islands. Other weekends we might we drive on over to Canada. If we have a long holiday weekend, we will drive down to Portland to visit some of my old friends. The point is, if you both are having fun on the weekends, your homesick wife will love you for it.
3) Every year, take her back home to see her family.
I have a really good Thai friend at work, and she told some great advice about what her husband does for her when she gets homesick. He used to buy her a plane ticket every year to go back home so she can visit her family. Unfortunately, he can’t go with her every time, because he has to work. She said these trips completely cured her of her homesickness. They have been happily married for 12 years now. My friend tells me she stopped going back home after the third or fourth year. She said she doesn’t like being away from her husband for very long anymore.
So…I am buying my wife her first plane ticket back home next month. She is really excited and already looking forward to her trip and talking about it with her friends. She may be homesick, but she knows in November she will be back with her family. Hopefully, she will miss me as much as I will miss her.
4) Encourage her to make new friends.
Surprisingly, our small little town has maybe a dozen other Thai families. We have met a few of them while eating the local Thai restaurant. One of the other Thai wives just recently moved here from Thailand a year ago, just before my wife got here. She is also a little homesick, and my wife and her talk on the phone quite a bit. We plan on having her over for dinner at our place next week. It’s great she can speak to someone in her native language.
5) There will be lots of tears, so give her lots of hugs.
A hug is a powerful thing. I give my wife a good, long hug several times a day. I’m not talking about a short little quick hug, but instead a full, warm embrace that lasts at least 10 to 15 seconds. Studies have shown that hugs help lower the stress hormones in the body. I give her a hug when she wakes up, a hug when I go to work, a hug when I get home, and finally a nice hug when we go to sleep. Heck, I will even throw in a few extra hugs because I love her so much. Anyway – there’s never a shortage of hugs at our house.
6) Use Skype.
My wife and I were in a really long distance relationship for 3 1/2 years before we got married. I lived in the US, and she lived in Thailand. How did we persevere without seeing each other? One of the things we did was Skype each other on our cell phones. My wife video chats with her parents every weekend. I know she still misses them, but Skype is the next best thing to being there, and it’s free.
7) Get involved in your community.
My wife is getting a little bored sitting at home every day while I go to work. She is waiting for her green card, so she can’t work yet. And the green card process can take many months. So we both thought it would be fun if she could volunteer at the local hospital. The hospital is always looking for volunteers, and this is a great way to meet people in our community. We also volunteer at the community theater. I feel if she is getting involved in her new community, then she won’t miss her home as much.
8) Exercise together.
We thought about joining a gym, but it costs so darned much. So instead we watch YouTube exercise videos and get all sweaty in the privacy of our home. Plus we walk our dog for a mile or two every day if the weather is nice. Sometimes I will fart when we are doing our YouTube exercises, and then we both laugh and then pause the video while the room clears out.
9) Talk about what it would be like if you both moved back to her home town.
If your wife made a big sacrifice to move away to be with you, then you owe it to her to talk about moving back. Maybe it isn’t the right time to move back just yet. Maybe you have a great paying job that you can’t leave just yet. My wife and I talk about moving back to Thailand quite a bit. That’s where we want to retire. Moving back to Thailand part of our plan.
She left everyone to be with me here in the US, and I would leave everyone to be with her.